


A Desperate Man

by Cuthwyn



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Parenting Gotham style, The crazy is catching, Willis attempting to be a good dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-06 11:17:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8748388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cuthwyn/pseuds/Cuthwyn
Summary: Life in Gotham's underworld is hard.There's no use whining about it. It won't get better.A man has just gotta keep pushing through, keep his family together and just keep going.Even when he's angry, hungry and just so bone tired. Even when half the stuff he's dealing with he doesn't fully understand.No matter what you've got to be a man and not let on to anyone that your scared.When Catherine is too high to look after their son. Willis just hopes he can keep Jason alive and relatively untraumatised until the end of the night.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this idea has been plaguing me since I read the whole 'Willis being a good dad' on Tumblr as well as another thread about genetic predisposition to mental illness.
> 
> This kinda might possibly partner another fic I've got in the pipeline regarding Jason's origin that I'm co-writing.  
> For those following 'The Secret' series I have ongoing it's to do with that.
> 
> I'm unsure if there will be a second chapter so I'm keeping this unfinished until I make up my mind??

Before the Red Hood, Nightwing and Red Robin were household names. Before explosions, warehouses and crow bars. Before Batman knew that he even needed a Robin.  
There was a little boy and his dad.  
Life was hard. It wasn't really anything worth writing home about. When wasn't life hard? Everyone was struggling with one crisis or other, sure, the little boy and his dad may have more struggles than most, but they made do. After all, what else could you do in downtown Gotham?

Willis breathed out a long breath of smoke before bending down to pull the tatty bobble hat further down his son's head to try and ward off the bitter chill of Gotham's docks. Waves crashed against the side and the little boy shivered, looking up at his dad with tired eyes.  
'Mamá says it's bedtime soon?' He asked hopefully, eyes scanning their surroundings fearfully, focusing on a pair of dark figures approaching them.  
'Yeah? Well ya mom ain't here. Now please Jason, okay? Just be a good boy for your old da' and say 'ma' like I told ya. At least try t'sound a bit more white.' Willis half scolded, ignoring his son's confused and wounded expression, he crunched his cigarette beneath his boot.  
The figures turned into a couple of big, burly men who called out to Willis in greeting.   
Gasping, Jason clutched hold of his father's jeans and ducked behind him. He didn't like this, not one bit.  
'Yo Willis? What's with the kid? He yours?'   
One of the men asked as the men paused in front of them, looking down at the small boy with a frown.   
'Dent's gonna blow a fuse. This ain't a daycare.'  
Gritting his teeth, Willis forced a smile, his hand resting on his son's bobble hat protectively.  
'His ma ain't well. I ain't got no other choice. He's a good kid, will keep real quite won't ya Jay?'

Jason nodded slowly, not sure as to what exactly he was agreeing to but deciding that concordance would probably work out better for him in the long run. His dad wasn't drunk but that didn't mean he didn't have a temper.  
'Aw lay off Mick can't y'see the kid's scared? Hey there little guy, I got a kid about your age.' Another man, Johnny, knelt down in front of the boy, smiling softly he reached out his hand. Jason frowned down at the hand before taking it like his dad had shown him.  
'Hello.' He whispered shyly, a small smile tugging at tiny lips. 'My named Jason.'  
'I'm Johnny. How old are ya sport?'  
'Siete. No - seven, seven. I'm sorry.' Jason babbled, pulling back to gaze up at his father who seemed more exasperated with him than anything else.  
'Woah, you speak Spanish?'   
Johnny appraised the young boy for a moment before cocking an eyebrow at his friend.   
'The kid speaks Spanish? You're white, Todd?'  
'His ma.' Willis explained, taking hold of his son's hand and motioning towards the warehouse. 'When your ready ladies? Don't wanna keep the boss waitin''  
'I'm sorry, Da'.' Jason mumbled as he was tugged along, his little feet barely keeping up with his father's huge strides. Chancing a look down, Willis offered him a small smile.  
It wasn't much but it was enough for the boy to know that he wasn't in trouble.

Willis clutched his son's hand tightly as they entered the warehouse, eyes scanning the almost abandoned building cautiously. Looking around himself, Jason couldn't think of anywhere more boring to be spending the night. It was cold, damp and smelt funny. The only entertainment was a few large crates dotted about. Pouting, the boy decided there and then that he did not like warehouses and wanted to go home.  
'Da, I don't like it here.' Jason whispered fearfully, eyes glued on the oddly shaped shadows. 'There's monsters in the dark, I can see them.'  
'Don't you start rambling on about that mumbo jumbo.' Willis muttered under his breath, before kneeling down and placing his hands on Jason's shoulders. 'There's nothing there, son. Please, just be a good, brave boy for me okay? If Da' can get this job done, we can get a burger on the way home?'  
Jason swallowed and nodded, forgetting the shapes in the shadows and focusing on his father's face. His stomach grumbled and he nodded enthusiastically. Food sounded good. Despite being past his usual bedtime, Jason was yet to eat that day. There hadn't been anything in the cupboards to eat, Jason had looked.

'Todd! What the hell is this?'  
Gasping, Jason was more than willing to be shielded behind Willis's legs when he stood up.  
'Boss, I can explain.'  
'Oh I am sure you can. You're full of excuses, Todd, I almost struggle to keep up with them.'  
Peering around the wall of leg, Jason couldn't help but stare in horror at his dad's boss, he was more a monster than a man. Half of his face was horrifically scarred and disfigured, one eyeball almost popping out due to lack of supporting flesh.  
His mom was right there were monsters hiding in the shadows.  
A gloved hand pushed him back behind his Dad's legs. Struggling free, Jason blinked up at his dad's back, he really, really didn't like this. This felt wrong.  
'He's my son, Boss. His mom is sick. I can't afford a babysitter. I can't afford to lose this job either. Please Sir? He'll be worth your trouble?'

Harvey quirked an eyebrow and craned his neck to try and catch a glimpse of the slip of a boy that apparently was 'worth his trouble.'  
'And how exactly is he of use to me, Todd? He looks malnourished and like I could break him with a light push?'  
'Hey!'   
Came an offended young voice followed by a pained yelp when Willis levelled the boy with a hefty kick.  
This caught the criminals attention, he watched the boy stick his tongue out at his father.  
'Hmm, very well, make your case.'  
'Small he may be, but he has spirit Boss. He can act as lookout? That way the Bat won't bother us!'  
Willis explained, reaching behind himself to place a comforting pat on Jason's head who had begun to sob.  
Harvey nodded thoughtfully before digging around in the breast pocket of his jacket for his coin.

'Alright Todd, you've made your point, very well.'   
Twiddling the coin around his fingers, he offered the man a crooked smile.   
'You win, the boy comes with us as look out. Lose? The boy still acts as lookout, but for that reckless job the Joker's wanting to do and well, we both know what the chances are of him coming back from that one, unscathed.'   
Harvey's smirk grew and Willis tried to hide a swallow but failed miserably. Glancing over his shoulder he studied Jason's tear stained face for a moment before turning back around and nodding his agreement.  
There were audible gasps from his workmates who eyed up Jason with, what boy could only describe as, pity before shaking their heads and closing their eyes.  
Dent tossed the coin.  
Willis remained looking at his boss, calm and steady, unblinking.  
Jason looked up at all the adults in the warehouse, not really understanding what was going on but knowing it was to do with him and it was bad. He could cope with bad, the 7 year old decided, so long as his dad got the money they needed to buy food for his mom. Bad was a good thing if his mamá was okay.

The deathly silence in the room was broken by Harvey's deep chuckle and the corner of Willis' mouth twitches slightly, the only tell of the turmoil beneath his neutral expression.  
'Looks like we got ourselves a look out.'  
Willis' shoulders sagged and he nodded again, as if what was at stake wasn't anything valuable.  
'Very well Boss.'  
Harvey pocketed his coin and stepped closer to his goon, his stride purposeful and menacing.  
'You're on thin ice Todd. One day that luck of yours will swing around. Show me the boy.'  
Jason shook his head when his dad turned around and grabbed hold of his arm. He didn't want to go see the man, he was bad, he knew he was, and it wasn't his physical appearance that he found terrifying.  
'Do as your told!' Willis snapped, before closing his eyes and dropping down to Jason level, reaching out to cup his son's cheek. 'Come on, where's my good, brave boy huh?'  
Swallowing, Jason nodded and the grip on his arm loosened. With small, trembling steps, Jason moved around his father and walked closer to the man that frightened him.  
He couldn't be frightened. Being scared was not allowed, it was weak.  
So Jason stuck his chin in the air and looked the man straight in the eye, clenching his fists so his dad couldn't see how badly they shook. He didn't want a beating for being a wuss when they got home, he wanted that burger.

Harvey watched the display of bravado with amusement and knelt down, beckoning the boy closer, who obeyed without protest.  
'What's your name kid?'  
'Jason. Jason Todd.' Jason spoke, proud that he could keep his voice sure and steady. That burger was his and his mamá was going to eat tonight. Remembering his manners, he dropped his gaze and held out his hand. 'I'm pleased to meet you, Sir.'  
Taking the small, boney hand, Harvey chuckled and cocked his head, studying the boy carefully.  
'Do you know who I am, Jason? Who your old man works for?'  
Shaking his head, Jason sucked in his bottom lip, before realising what he was doing and quickly correcting himself.  
'No señor?' He mumbled, his eyes widened in horror. 'N-No sir.' Jason corrected quickly, feeling the disapproving gaze off his dad burning into him.  
Harvey blinked in surprise before remembering the boy's parentage. The kid was Catherine's, she was younger than Willis, baggage from when his employee had moved within darker circles. In truth the Hispanic woman had been both the man's undoing and saviour.   
'Mi nombre es Dos Caras.'   
His words were hesitant, Harvey only spoke what Spanish he had picked up from his men, but the way the boy's eyes widened he knew that he'd had spoken correctly.  
'Two Face?' Jason gasped, turning to look at his father who just pointed back at his boss firmly. Jason turned around and frowned back at the man who seemed to be waiting for something, his reaction. 'Two Face. Yeah, I gets it now.'   
Chewing on his lip, Jason narrowed his eyes and dared to lean even closer. Studying the man's disfigurement with more of a morbid fascination than fear now he understood.  
'Heh, I gets it now! Pretty dumb of me not to know but the picture in the paper weren't all that good.'

Harvey blinked in confusion, taken aback by the little boy who had far too much spunk than what was good for him, like his damn father.   
'You can read?'  
Jason screwed up his face before shrugging and looking away.  
'Yeah? I'm 7, Sir.'  
'You've a smart kid, Todd.' Harvey exclaimed and Jason turned to see Willis smiling proudly and nodding in his direction.   
'That he is, Boss. Give him a few years and we'll have more than just an able look out.'  
A warm, fizzle sparkled in his belly at his father's praise and Jason grinned, preening beneath the rare approval he was being given.  
'Hmm able? We shall see. Do you know what you're looking out for Boy? Has your father told you?'   
Gasping, Jason span back around to nod vigorously at Two Face, he couldn't help but suck on his lip to try and comfort himself.  
'Cops?'  
'And?'  
'And-' Inhaling sharply, Jason tried to hide the shudder which ran threw him, his mother's voice ringing in his head. 'The monster in the shadows, Sir. I seen him, me and Mamá did.'  
'You've seen the Bat? You know what he looks like?' Harvey seemed surprised by this, before nodding and taking the boy by the hand.  
'Come. You're riding with me.'  
'But Boss!' Willis cried out in protest, stepping forwards to try and reclaim his son but his friends held him back. It wasn't worth risking the kid.  
'You think I am letting this leverage go, Todd? You're hot tempered and reckless. This way I can ensure your compliance. Move it Boy!'

So that was how Jason found himself sat on the bonnet of Two Face's car, a few metres from a jewellery store. He'd watched his dad make quick work of the security system and the gang had gone inside. Now it was his job to keep watch for anything suspicious. Kicking his heels softly against the car, Jason leant back and gazed up at the stars. He did like the stars, they made him feel happy, safe. His mom liked them too and they had spent many a dark, lonely night together watching the stars. It was one of the few times he ever saw her smile, she was his Mamá when she smiled, beautiful, soft and kind. Happy and safe.  
There was a crunching of stone against hard soled shoes and Jason sat up, very much portraying a meerkat as he scanned up and down the street for a threat. He spotted an odd shape in the shadows.  
'I can see you!' Jason yelled out into the darkness, his father's parting words in his head. The words he always said to him 'be good and brave, Jason.' Swallowing he looked down at the gun Two Face had tossed at him carelessly, he didn't actually know how to fire it but he'd give it a go.  
Jason quickly claimed the gun and aimed it at the approaching shadow.

'Get lost or I'll shoot!'  
There was a soft chuckle. Not a nice chuckle, it was haunting and sent chills down Jason's spine.  
'Are you?'   
Came a deep voice, rough from smoking but still holding a light trill. Narrowing his eyes, Jason watched the shadow become a man, dressed in a brown trench coat and matching fedora.  
'Yeah. So back off bozo!'  
There was another chuckle and the figure stepped closer. No matter which way he tilted his head, Jason could not make out the face beneath the fedora.  
'Alright, alright I believe you kiddo. Let Uncle Jay help.'   
The man stepped closer and Jason swallowed as a lilac glove reached up and flicked a small lever on the side of the gun.   
'There we are. You need to take the safety off boy, else no big, bang, boom for you!'  
The man explained as if it were a punchline line to some sort of joke, chuckling he tilted up the rim of his fedora to reveal stark white skin and thin red lips that stretched up into a a mocking grin.

'You're the Joker!' Jason muttered, swallowing down a rush of terror he held the gun up against the clown's forehead. 'Go away and leave me alone!'  
'My, my such spark in such a small, little thing! Please, before you kill me, might I know the name of my murderer?' Joker asked, eyes observing and calculating, engaging in this new game.   
'Jason and you don't scare me! Go away!'  
Joker smiled at this and reached out to grasp the shaft of the gun, pulling it away from the boy's grasp with ease.  
'Oh but I think you are, Jason. Aren't you?'  
Jason shook his head and stuck his chin in the air in defiance, fists clenching by his sides. The Joker just laughed and replaced the safety back on the gun before pocketing it.  
'Now, you listen to good old Uncle Jay.'   
Flopping down onto the car bonnet next to the terrified yet confused boy, Joker smiled down at him and waved his hands about frantically as he spoke.  
'Being scared is fine and dandy. Being scared means you're very, very brave. Are you a brave little boy, Jason?'  
Jason gasped, his father always asked him to be brave, he wasn't allowed to be scared he had to be brave that's what his dad said.   
'Y-Yes Sir.'  
'The you've got to be scared.' Joker replied with a grin, content now that he had affirmed that the boy was indeed sacred of him. 

Leaning back against the windscreen, he giggled and watched Jason suck in his bottom lip, eyes darting over to the jewellery store.  
'Don't worry, Jason. Your boss knows I'm coming here. You're on look out duty huh? Booooooring Am I right? Of course I'm right.'  
Shaking his head, Jason realised his mistake when the clown's smile fell and he folded his arms like a toddler who hadn't got his own way.  
'Oh really? So what's a kid like you got to entertain yourself with out here?'  
Shakily, Jason pointed up at the night sky, smiling slightly when he saw his happiness sparkling away above him.  
'Las estrellas.'   
Joker threw his head back, his fedora falling off to reveal acid green hair before he burst out laughing, clutching his sides in unbridled glee. Jason watched the man cackle like a banshee wondering what on earth could be so funny about the stars?  
'Jason Todd! Willis Todd's brat? Yeah? Your Mamá likes the stars too.'  
Nodding ,Jason wondered how everyone seemed to know his dad's name before giving up and going back to eyeing up his new companion warily.  
'What do you want, Clown?'  
Joker blinked in surprise and sat up, cocking his head at the boy who seemed less than impressed by his presence.  
'Can you play cards Jason?'  
'What?'  
'Can you play cards? Yes or no?'  
Shaking his head, the boy expected to be reprimanded but instead, the clown offered him a soft smile and withdrew a pack of cards and placed them down.  
'You look hungry, Kiddo. Here.'  
A small chocolate bar was placed into his hands and Jason gaped at it before gazing up at the Joker in amazement.  
'For me!'  
'Eat up and listen up while I explain poker to you. How about we play for sweets?'

Time passed by with ease and sure the Joker was an evil, psychotic madman but Jason had to admit playing cards was kind of fun. He was actually quite talented at it thanks to his wits and sharp mind. He had quite a few sweets stashed in his pockets but he couldn't help but think that Joker was losing on purpose. Mainly because the lunatic was smiling still and not hitting him to the sidewalk. For reasons Jason couldn't fathom the clown seemed to want to genuinely pass the time with him and enjoy some company.  
'Get away from him!'  
An angry roar echoed through the abandoned street. Announcing their presence to every cop and Bat within a 12 mile radius.  
Jason stared in horror as a flurry of black hair and leather jacket pushed him off the car and flattened the Joker against it.  
'Get ya hands off my son!'  
'Willis!' Mike and Johnny yelled in alarm, hovering the background not entirely sure if they were brave enough to intervene or not.  
Giggling like a boy who'd be caught with his hand in the cookie jar, purple eyes flicked towards the shell shocked boy before Joker leered up at his attacker.

'Calm down, Willis, old buddy old chum. I was just having a bit of fun with the boy?'  
Growling, Willis coiled his hands even tighter around Joker's lapels and slammed him mercilessly back down against the car.  
'We ain't buddies Clown! Never will be!'   
Joker blinked at a familiar click and the gun he had swiped off Jason was pressed harshly against his temple, metal biting into skin.  
Willis didn't scowl, he didn't smile his face remained blank, eyes distant, lost in his own anger. Very few people had that look and Joker had decided long ago that he loved bringing it out of the man,  
'You listen and you listen good, Joker. You stay away from my son. So much as hurt my Jason's feelings? I will hunt you down, I will upturn every rock you could crawl under on this planet and I will kill you.' Leaning down he pressed his lips up against he clowns ear.  
'Then, I'll dump ya carcass somewhere even the Bat can't find you. There'll be nuttin left. You'll be forgotten.'  
Straightening back up, he pressed the gun even harder against the Clown's temple.  
'Do I make myself clear or would ya like pictures?'

Joker blinked back at him blankly before chuckling darkly, eyes narrowing into a menacing glare.  
'Dear me Willis, I wasn't gonna hurt the kid. I was just keeping him company, we played cards is all. Why on earth would I hurt little Jason hmm? Where would be the punchline in that?'  
Licking his lips, Joker turned towards the gun pressed against his head before looking back up at Willis with a smirk.  
'Go home. Take your son home, Willis, he's cold and hungry, but you know that don't you? Must have been pretty desperate to bring ya kid to a party like this anyhow. How is your dame? When are you gonna admit that that junk ain't gonna make things better? She's a looney, cuckoo whatever. Heroin ain't gonna save your Catherine. You lost her when you lied. She ain't safe no more, so she's escaped to la la land and she ain't coming back.'  
Joker howled in laughter when the butt of the gun collided with his jaw. Roaring in anger, Willis pummelled the snivelling, sorry excuse for a human being.  
'You stay away from my wife! You stay away from my Jason!' Willis bellowed, roaring in fury when his friends finally intervened and hauled him away from the clown, when Two Face appeared looking very unimpressed.  
'I'll kill you! Touch my family and I will fucking kill you! I mean it Joker!'

'Enough!' Harvey bellowed, firing his own gun to gain everyone's attention. 'Why don't you all shout a little bit louder? Jeez, you lot wanna attract the Bat? What the hell are you doing here Jay?'  
Dusting off his coat, Joker jumped off the car bonnet, fixing his fedora back in place as he did so.   
'Came to see you, Harv. Y'know that job you said was a bust? Well, guess who pulled it off? Ha ha! Your lookout was very hospitable.'  
'I'm sure he was.' Harvey spat through gritted teeth, one toss of the coin and the man stepped in front of Jason, obscuring him from the Joker's view. 'He's mine, Jay. Go find you're own lackey! Give me an hour to finish up here and we'll swap notes over a drink.'  
Joker tried to peer around his friend and was not impressed to not be able to catch a final glimpse of the boy.  
'Sharing is caring, Harv. Urgh, fine see ya in a few. Toodles.'  
Waving away the ragtaggle group of criminals, the clown was off, sauntering away into the night.  
Jason watched him leave blankly, startling when someone took hold of his arm and hauled him over to stand in front of his dad.  
'This is yours. You okay Jason?'

Swallowing, Jason tilted his head back to look up at Two Face and nodded slowly, not 100% sure about what had just happened. Was he in trouble?  
Satisfied with the response, Harvey turned to Willis and shoved a brown envelope against his chest.  
'That temper does you no favours, Todd! Take your cut and take the boy home to his Mamá. Give him some supper. There's a bit more for the kid's services.' Breaking off, Harvey glanced back down at the small boy ,whose bright blue eyes held a fire and intelligence he'd never seen in one so young before. 'Make sure it's spent on him, Todd or I swear I will rain down Hell on you. If he comes again? So long as Jason behaves himself, he'll get his own cut, like everyone else. There's always work for you with me.'   
Jason watched his father nod, opening the envelope only to gape at the amount inside. The boy smiled, he knew the latter part of Two Face's speech had been aimed at him, he had a job if he wanted one. He quite liked being a look out and it would mean he had money to look after his mom.

'Yes Boss.' Willis replied hoarsely, trying hard to hide the smile of gratitude tugging at his lips.  
Nodding, Harvey levelled him with a very hard look, before turning to go back to his car.  
'I mean it, Todd. Make sure that money goes to the boy. There's a circus in town at the minute? Treat him!'  
'Haly's?'  
Laughing Willis shook his head and took his son's hand.  
'Trust me Boss, I ain't taking my son near that joint for all the money in the world. Ain't ya heard what's going down there?'  
Harvey was largely uninterested and waved Willis off, actively dismissing him, the man didn't protest. 

Mick and Johnny watched silently as Willis took his son's hand and together the pair walked off back up the alley.  
'That boy is so much like his father.' Nick chuckled only for Johnny to shake his head and make off towards the car.  
'Trust me better to be like his pa than his ma. Y'know what they say about crazy? It ain't catching but it sure does run in families, man.'


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So .... I split this chapter as it ended up ridiculously long. Sorry!

It was 2 am.   
Jason blinked at the clock inside a random shop in mute shock. He'd never been up this late before, not without at least trying to go to bed first. What surprised him the most was that he wasn't even the least bit tired.  
Taking a bite out of his burger, Jason glanced up at his dad eating his own meal and smiled as they walked along. He liked this, this was nice.

Willis was in a better mood now he was on his way back home, cash in his pocket and his son alive and well by his side. Catching Jason smiling up at him, he almost congratulated the boy on a job well done but decided against it. He didn't want to encourage his son to have this life, his life, no, Jason was going to be a teacher or something else smart. His son would have a warm house, a family of his own, sleep at night without worrying about what happens next. Jason was going to be happy, Willis was adamant, even if he killed himself getting his son there.  
'What's the word for that then Jace?' Willis asked, wanting to say something, anything, he pointed at some tulips inside a florists shop.  
'Tulipanes.' Jason replied dutifully, looking up from his burger to consider the brightly coloured flowers. 'They are very pretty, Da.'

Nodding, Willis smiled in a melancholy fashion before bopping the bobble on his son's hat.  
'Tuli-pan-es? That right?'  
Nodding Jason looked away from the florists window and smiled up at his dad fondly.  
'¡Bien hecho!'   
Willis frowned and looked down at his son who just laughed and shook his head.  
'Well done, Da. Tulipanes. Tulips.' Jason translated, smiling happily at his dad who for the whole night had insisted upon him only speaking English.  
Willis didn't know Spanish. Despite knowing Catherine for years he had never learnt a word of it. It was only when Jason came along that he'd even bothered to try. He was ashamed to admit that he was motivated by an ill placed jealously. Jason and his mom were close, very close, and he couldn't help but feel shut out when the pair of them were huddled on the couch having a conversation he couldn't understand a word of.   
Sighing, Willis looked back over at the tulips and tried hard to swallow down the wave of sadness and longing that hit him.  
'Ya mom liked tulipanes. Before you were born. They'd sit in this glass vase on the window sill. I used to buy her some on the way home after a job, just to see her smile.'  
Jason watched the sadness settle around his dad. Balling up his empty burger wrapper, he reached out to take his dad's hand cautiously.  
'It's okay Da.'   
Sucking on his bottom lip, Jason looked back at the tulips, running his father's words through his head for a moment.   
'We gots more money tonight. In the morning, I'll come back here. I'll buy those tulips for mom.'

Squeezing the small hand back, Willis sniffed and shook his head, rubbing at his eyes with his other hand.  
'That money's for you Jace. The Boss said so.'  
'But I-'  
'Which means it's getting spent on you.' Willis snapped, the sadness evaporating swiftly into anger. 'It's not like your mom would notice them anyhow, not anymore.'  
Jason's brow furrowed in thought before he looked back up at the tulips again, their colours really were very pretty.  
'Just 'cause Mom's sick, don't mean that she wouldn't still like tulips, Da. She's still her, her head is poorly is all. Tulips would make her smile, you said so.'  
'Enough Jason! Just drop it okay?' Willis almost growled.  
Clutching his son's hand tighter he hauled the boy away from the florists.  
They remained silent for the rest of the journey home.

The light was on when the pair made it back home. Standing out in the hallway, a soft voice singing travelled through the door.  
Willis' lips thinned, letting go of his son's hand, he shoved his key in the lock.  
'Jay, you stay here a minute, okay?'  
Jason didn't get a chance to reply before the front door was slammed in his face. Kicking at the broken glass at his feet, he scanned the graffiti on the walls, most of it wasn't spelt right and it annoyed him a little. Why someone would write words using numbers would forever elude him.  
'Cat for fucks sake, what the hell are you doing?'  
'Ssssh, you'll wake Jason up!'  
'Wake Jason up? Jason's with me you crazy ass broad, that's a blanket!'  
There was a high pitched screech and Jason closed his eyes tightly to shut out the sound of his mom's distress.  
'No! No this is my Jason. Mine, my baby boy blue, mine, my own, you can't take him. The sheep's in the meadow, the cow's in the corn. Where's the formula? You promised you'd buy some?'  
'What? No I didn't? Jason don't need no damn formula you idjit!'  
There was another high pitched screech and Jason couldn't take it anymore. With trembling hands, he opened his front door and crept inside. Someone had to calm his mom down before things got bad.

'No formula?' Catherine sobbed, shaking her head frantically. 'No, no, no! That's why you go. You go get milk for Jason. I can't make milk. There's no food! Bad, bad mom. Gonna takes Jason. They are! The monster in the shadows will take him, but no, no I have him. Yes I do.'  
'You're not a bad mom, Cat! How many times I gotta tell ya that? Huh? Please just stop this nonsense.'  
The living room was lit by a single standing lamp in the corner. His mom was sat on the floor next to it, rocking a blue blanket in her arms, it had been his blanket when he was a baby. The edges of the blue fleece hand embroidered by his mom with tulips.  
His dad was stood opposite her, towering over his mom with clenched fists, hurt and frustration as plain as day on his face.  
'Mom?'  
Catherine's head shot up at the sound of the young voice, she turned to look over at Jason stood in the doorway, brown eyes hazy and unfocused.  
'Who are you?' Frowning Catherine looked back up at Willis and shook her head angrily. 'Why have you brought another boy home? We can't give Jason his milk and you want me to look after that one too? Hush, shhh, shhh, Jason, don't cry.No llores, no llores.'  
'For fucks sake Cat! How can you not recognise your own damn-'

'Ssssh, Catherine? Jason is hungry. I have milk, please can I hold him?'  
Dropping to his knees, the 7 year old scooted closer to his mom and placed his hand on hers.  
'Él es muy guapo.' Jason congratulated, smiling down at the hole in the blanket as if he did see a handsome baby boy there. 'Can I take Jason and give him his milk? I'll bring him right back.'  
Catherine studied his face for a moment, tears streaming silently down sunken cheeks before nodding.  
'Cuidar de mi bebe.' She whispered softly before handing Jason the blanket.  
'Gracias.' Jason replied, quickly cradling the blanket in his arms and standing up to go to his room.  
Glancing up at his dad, Jason winced at the anger he saw in his eyes and ducked his head down before hurrying off.  
Closing his bedroom door behind him, Jason threw himself and his blanket down onto his mattress and huffed a few calming breaths.

Well, it wasn't really a bedroom. The Todd's lived in an apartment that could be more accurately described as a bedsit. There was one tiny bedroom were his parents slept. Jason's room was more like a cupboard. Well, it had started out life as a cupboard.   
Willis had cleared the shelves and had done his best to make it into a bedroom for a little boy.  
The space was too small for a bed so Jason had a mattress on the floor. His clothes lived in a box by the door and he'd started to build a small collection of newspapers, one day he'd like a book. Sat next to his reading material, the only source of light, a desk lamp.  
Jason didn't mind it as much as Willis had convinced himself that he did. He liked his own little space. He didn't have much, just a few belongings he cared about, so why did he need a bigger, 'proper' bedroom? He'd have nothing to put in it?  
Last time he'd tried to explain that to his dad though, Jason had ended up with a thick ear and a black eye so he now kept such observations to himself.

Sighing wearily, Jason kicked off his shoes and jacket. Sitting back down on his mattress, he pulled his blanket around his shoulders before taking in the old baby blanket in his hands, fingers rubbing over the tulips embroidered on it.  
There was a crash.  
Blue eyes snapped to his bedroom door at the sound followed by his mom's sobbing and his dad yelling.  
'You're goin' to fuck up Jason, Cat! Think about it, for once! Do you have any idea what the hell you are doing to us?'  
'Willis no, no. Don't take Jason, no!'  
'I never fucking said that!'  
Crash.  
'Just for once can you be a sane, rational minded human being?'  
Crash.  
'I can't take this anymore! The drugs, this craziness! I can't take it, Cat!'

In seconds Jason was on his feet and charging back through the door. Without thinking he darted in between his parents, sheltering his mom from his dad's fist.  
Screwing up his face he waited for the inevitable impact.  
'Be a good, brave boy, Jason.'   
His dad's words rang in his ears as he watched the fist come closer, as if somehow he had managed to slow time.   
'Jace?'  
The fist halted millimetres from his face and Jason huffed a breath, before looking up at his dad tearfully.  
'Stop it Da. You're angry, I gets it. Mom can't help it.'  
'Go to bed, Jason.'  
'No!' Jason yelled back, his own fists balling at his sides. 'Not until you stop it. Hit me instead. It's my fault not mom's. I wasn't here to look after her. She got confused 'cause I shoulda been here and I wasn't.'  
Willis blinked, the anger bleeding out and he shook his head, guilt quickly extinguishing the rage inside. He wanted to drop to his knees, hug his son, his family, but he couldn't.  
'Jay, no. None, none of this is your fault. It's mine.'  
Swallowing thickly, Jason watched his dad slink away to the kitchen, claiming the only thing the cupboards currently held, Vodka.  
Unscrewing the top, Willis took a large gulp before stumbling off to the bedroom without even glancing in Jason's direction.  
The door clicked shut softly and Jason shuddered in relief.

'Jason?' Catherine sobbed, a hand shakily rising to mop at the blood from her bust lip.  
Jason glanced down at his mom sprawled out on the floor, looks like his dad really had knocked some sense into her.  
'It's okay, Mom.'  
Kneeling down, he wrapped an arm around Catherine's shoulders and tried to haul her up to her feet but she was too heavy to achieve it on his own.  
'Mamá? It's Jason. I need you to stand up. I'm too small to carry you.'  
The word 'small' seemed to filter through and Catherine blinked before nodded slowly and stumbling to her feet, letting her son guide her to the couch to lie down.  
'Wait here Mom. I'll go gets you something to sleep with.' Jason instructed before dashing back to his room and collecting his pillow and blanket. He only had one of each but he'd rather his mom was warm.  
Lifting her head gently, Jason placed the pillow behind his mom and tucked the blanket over her, before jogging to the bathroom and wetting a towel, using it to clean his mom's split lip.  
Through out his tasks he sang softly to her, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in Spanish like she had done to him when he was little. Catherine smiled and reached out to stroke Jason's hair.  
'My Jason.'  
'Si Mamá. Sleep now.'  
Jason waited until his mom's eyes closed before making his way back to bed.  
Using his coat as pillow he tugged the small square of fleece that made up his baby blanket over himself in a bid for warmth. He supposed he should have gotten undressed. He had no clean clothes for school tomorrow otherwise, but it was winter, they had no heating, warmth was more important.

Jason woke up the next morning, bleary eyed and with a pounding headache. God he felt exhausted, he hoped to have woken early enough to be able to go back to sleep but luck wasn't on his side.  
Grabbing his watch he gaped in horror at the time. It was just gone 8.05.  
He was going to be late for school ... yet again.  
Grumbling away to himself, Jason got up and crept out of his room, not needing to get dressed which he supposed saved time.   
His mom was still sleeping soundly on the couch as he past by.   
Entering the kitchen, the little boy stumbled over to the dirty washing hamper, which was over flowing, before hauling it to the washer and loading it and starting it up. At least now there would be clean clothes for tomorrow and his dad would assume his mom had done it and not be mad anymore.  
He went to go start breakfast before remembering that the shopping still had to be done.  
Sucking on his bottom lip, he glanced up at the kitchen clock, if he went shopping he was definitely going to be late for school. On the other hand, if he didn't go? Who would?  
Resigning himself to his teacher yelling at him later, Jason toed on his shoes before digging into his dad's jacket for the money and taking a few bills.  
Casting one final look over at his mom, Jason jumped up to swipe the keys off the sideboard and left as quietly as he could.

Jason bought just enough groceries to last out the week and even treated himself to a newspaper. Two Face did say some of the money was his and the morning headline caught his attention.  
'Disaster Strikes Circus'   
Was plastered across the top and Jason remembered his dad saying that something bad was going to happen at Haly's when Two Face suggested taking him there. He hadn't minded not going, he never liked circuses anyway. All bright lights and flamboyancy, that quite frankly Jason didn't have the time for.  
His eyes fell to the picture of a crying small boy, a few years older than himself, 9 maybe? He was being hugged by that rich dude he never could remember the name of.  
'Victims were the parents of a young, Richard Grayson who was left-'  
Pausing his reading, Jason frowned down at the new word.  
'Troy- Trau-mat-ised. Traumatised.'  
Jason's frown increased and looked back at the word again before looking up at the cashier hopefully.  
'Excuse me Miss? What does traumatised mean?'  
The middle aged lady gave him a solemn look and shook her head at him.  
'It means very sad sweetheart. Don't you read that stuff and take it straight home to your Pa.'

Nodding, Jason shoved the newspaper in the bag with the rest of his shopping and left.  
The entire walk home all he could think about was the little boy who didn't have parents anymore. He hoped he ended up some place nice, the social couldn't be trusted but he hoped they put him some place where he'd be loved. Richard looked like a boy who should be loved, how Jason got that from one photograph he didn't know but he went along with it.  
Humming, thoughtfully Jason plodded down the street before the florist shop from last night caught his eye. Pausing, he studied the bunch of tulips in the window. His dad had told him not to. In no uncertain terms. He was not to waste money on flowers.  
Richard Grayson's traumatised face came to the forefront of his mind and to hell with it, he still had a mom.

Thankfully his parents were still asleep when he got home.  
Standing on his tippy toes, he placed the bags on the kitchen side before walking over to the couch to check on his mom, gently placing his hand in front of her mouth so he could feel the soft brush of air against his finger tips. This was why he read the newspapers, sure he would love to own a book like the ones at school but in the end? Reading the news made Jason thankful for what he had.  
Creeping quietly away, the little boy pushed a chair from the table into the kitchen and used it to reach the counter tops and cupboards. It made putting away the groceries ten times easier if he didn't have to strain and jump.  
Taking out the porridge oats and milk, Jason set about claiming the saucepan and lighting the stove. Porridge was part of the small repertoire the 7 year old could cook easily without needing help from an adult.  
Humming softly to himself, Jason glanced up at the clock as he stirred the gloopy mixture. It was 9.00.  
Now he was officially late for school.   
'Jason?'   
Startling, Jason swallowed before turning off the heat and turning around to see his mom stood watching him with a small smile.  
'Are we trying to be a big boy again?' Catherine asked with a sad smile.  
Stepping closer she lifted her son gently down to the ground and shooed him out of the kitchen.  
'You stay little, little boy's aren't little for long. ¡Fuera!'  
Giggling slightly, Jason obeyed and trotted out of the kitchen. 

Whilst he waited for his mom to finish serving breakfast. Jason pushed open the door to his parent's room.  
The stench hit him first. A putrid smell of sweat, booze and vomit.  
Willis was passed out on top of the bed. Still fully clothed including his boots.  
'Da?' Jason called out softly but his openly reply was a drunken grunt as the man rolled over.  
'Come on, Da you can't sleep like that.'  
Sighing, Jason padded over and unlaced his dad's boots. He knew from experience that he wasn't big enough yet to undress his dad, so instead he just used the blankets to move him underneath them, making sure his dad was on his side so he wouldn't choke if he was sick.  
Wrinkling his nose at the sudden reminder, Jason cast a hesitant glance at the floor. Thankfully, his dad had successfully aimed into the bucket before passing out.  
Picking it up, Jason swiped the empty glass from the bedside table and made for the bathroom at a pace slightly below running. The smell of vomit turned his own stomach.  
After promptly emptying the bucket into the toilet Jason returned to the bedroom.   
He set it back down and also placed down the, now full, glass of water and a packet of paracetamol.  
'See ya after school, Da.' Jason whispered, placing a kiss to his dad's sweaty brow before leaving just as quietly as he had entered.  
Willis mumbled something about being late and teachers before losing consciousness again.

Catherine was sat at the table with two steaming bowls of porridge when Jason came back into the living room. Smiling at her, Jason raced out into the hallway with a quick 'Be right back!'  
A few moments later, he reappeared with the small bouquet of tulips and handed them over to his mom, warily.  
'I gots these for you?'  
'¿Para mi?' Catherine asked, eyes wide in disbelief as she accepted the flowers and leant down to smell them, her eyes closed.  
Jason sucked his lip anxiously and waited, bouncing on the balls of his feet, he hoped he hadn't over stepped the mark or upset her.  
'Si Mamá. They are very pretty, like you!'  
Catherine looked from the tulips to Jason, tears brimmed in her eyes before finally, she smiled. His mom smiled and Jason felt giddy with euphoria.  
'Gracias' Catherine spoke barely above a whisper, reaching for her son she kissed him gently on the forehead before motioning towards his bowl.   
'Eat, eat! You are late for school, Pequeña ave.'  
Grinning, Jason nodded and began shovelling porridge into his mouth as quickly as he could before kissing his mom goodbye and hurrying out the door with his school bag.  
He cast a final look at his mom, cutting the stems of the tulips and arranging them in a mug. Humming contentedly with a soft smile on her face, eyes alive and sparkling. Jason set his mom's happy image to memory, knowing how lucky he was to have her but also knowing she would be high by the time he came home from school.


	3. Chapter 3

It was just after morning recess when Jason barrelled through the school gates heading straight for the school hall. Digging around in his bag, he retrieved an oversized white tishirt and began changing into it as he ran, he was growing quite talented at quick changes. Skidding through the door he shoved the silver ring of tinsel on his head, hoping that his classmates singing would hide his late entrance.   
It didn't.  
Looking up, Mrs Benson frowned at him and he smiled goofily and waved. Hoping that aloof and uncaring brought him less suspicion.  
'Nice of you to decide to join us, Jason.' Mrs Benson greeted with a very clipped tone. 'I was almost thinking that we would not have an Angel Gabriel. How on earth was the baby Jesus going to be given to Mary without him?'  
Shoving on his cardboard wings, Jason offered her a boyish grin. He knew full well how Jesus really came into the world and it weren't because some dude in a dress put him in a manger.  
'That would be a bummer.'  
'Language Jason!' Mrs Benson scolded before waving him off towards the rest of the class. 'Just go join the others. Wait!'  
Pausing, Jason quirked an eyebrow at his teacher who seemed to be concerned about something.  
'Jason, could you come with me for a minute?'

Taking the boy's hand, she lead him quietly out into the corridor and gave him a once over.  
Now he was dressed in just a tshirt and socks his little body seemed swamped with bruises. The ones blossoming on his arms looked a lot like fingerprints.  
'Jason, can you tell me why you were late for school today? You're not in trouble.'  
Jason swallowed and tried to look anywhere but at Mrs Benson, if school called the social again dad was going to kill him. He hated it when Uncle came to visit.  
'I-I over slept. It-it won't happen again, Miss. Can I go sing my song now?'  
Crouching down, Mrs Benson reached out and took the boy's hand with a gentle smile, and Jason didn't quite know what to do in response so just stayed very still, he didn't squeeze back.  
'Where did the bruises come from Jason? It's okay, you're safe here.'  
'I'm a clutz, Miss. Always falling over. Fell off the car last night by accident.'  
He left out being pushed off it by his dad because he found him playing poker with the Joker. That definitely would make Mrs Benson call the social again, probably even the cops, or maybe even Batman!  
Could a teacher call Batman?

Mrs Benson pursed her lips, obviously not believing a word of it before nodding slowly.  
'Okay. Jason, my door is always open if you want to talk? Okay? About anything.'  
Nodding, Jason kept his sarcastic quip about 'anything?' to himself.  
'Can I go sing my song now, Miss? I don't wanna be the angel who broke Christmas.'  
Chuckling, Mrs Benson shook her head before standing back up and leading the boy back through to join the rest of his class. Jason, the woman had to admit was one of her favourites. The little boy was very bright with a wicked sense of humour that made her smile. She just wished she knew how to help him. It didn't take a genius to know that his home life was far from ideal.  
'Are your parents coming to watch tomorrow?'  
Swallowing, Jason forced a smile and skipped off towards the stage.  
'Sure!'  
They weren't. Jason hadn't told them about his performance. His folks had far to much on their plates and he didn't want to add yet more stress. He just hoped his dad didn't notice the addition of glitter to his tshirt when Jason returned it at the weekend.

It wasn't long until a dumb plastic doll was shoved in his arms and Jason shuffled to centre stage, ignoring the looks he got from his peers that ranged from jealousy to just sheer disgust.  
It was a simple enough role, he had no idea why his classmates loathed him so much for being cast as Gabriel?  
Taking a deep breath, Jason rocked the dumb plastic doll as if it was real and began to sing.  
It was Silent Night.   
Everyone knew the stupid song but despite himself, Jason had found that he quite liked being on a stage and playing a role, being someone other than himself. Telling a story, he did like stories, he supposed.  
So he rocked the baby Jesus gently and took his bestest, gracefullest, steps towards the manger, before playing the baby down in front of his mother and father with a soft smile.  
He ignored the warm gooey smile the adults always wore when he played his part and made his way back to his spot in the choir to finish the rehearsal.  
Jason really wished someone would tell him why the adults all had warm gooey smiles though?

The rest of the day passed at a snails pace and Jason was so tired he struggled to stay awake, long blinks and far off stares filled the majority of his school day until the bell finally rang.  
Shoving his belongings into his bag, Jason made certain than non of his angel costume was showing before he jogged out of the door.   
'Jason! Over here!'  
Skidding to a halt in the playground, Jason looked over to see his dad leaning against his bike by the school gate.  
'Jason!'  
Frowning, Jason trudged over to his dad who just smiled at him and waved.  
'Why are you here?'   
Scoffing, Willis shook his head and placed mocking hands on his hips.  
'Nice too see you too, Son. I'm picking you up from school. What does it look like I'm doin'?'  
Raising a hopeful eyebrow, Jason glanced over at the bike again thoughtfully.  
'On the bike?'  
'Yes Jason, on the motorbike. How else was I gonna come get ya? Huh?' Willis laughed, hopping onto his most prized possession he started her up and held out a hand towards his son with a small smile.  
'Wanna see what my baby can do, Jace? I've seen ya lookin'.'

Jason swallowed and glanced over his shoulder, his peers were watching, looking over at him with that same jealousy they had during the rehearsal. It was amusing, to think that people wanted to be him.  
Turning back around, he grinned and nodded in reply, excitement bubbling in his belly and he squirmed around when Willis picked him up and placed him in front of him.  
'Oy, find some chill wiggle worm else you'll fall off!' Willis chuckled, shaking his head in amusement he placed his helmet on his son's head. It didn't fit, obviously, but it was better than nothing.  
Jason shrieked in delight when they finally pulled away, waving happily at his classmates as they sped off into the city.  
His dad's bike!   
He was on his dad's bike and Jesus Christ was it worth it.  
There was nothing like it.  
Despite having the helmet, Jason could still feel the frigid air rush over his hands as he held on tightly to his dad's thighs. The hot thrum between his legs and the roar of the engine reminded Jason of a dragon and he was in heaven. Speeding along Gotham's streets just him, a motor bike and the warmth of his dad pressed up against his back protectively, he never wanted the ride to end.

Like all good things though, eventually it did. Willis slowed the bike down as they reached the docks and he came to a stop. Helping his son down, he laughed again at the little boy who was so elated he seemed to be literally vibrating with excitement.  
'That was so cool!' Jason squealed, arms flapping so much Willis half wondered if his son would take off.  
Nodding, Willis smiled and ruffled the boy's hair affectionately.  
'A'right, chill Jason. Deep breaths before you fly off. Ima gonna go find us summit to eat. You stay and look after my baby, you get me?'  
'Okay Da. Dunna worry, she's safe with me. Ima gonna have a bike like you Da, when I'm big. Go racing up the road zooooooom!'  
'Will ya now? Okay, I'm gonna be right back, Jace.'  
Laughing again, Willis sauntered off and Jason sat down, leaning against his dad's bike with the helmet in between his legs. He drifted away into daydreams of motorbikes, then he thought about his dad and then, then he remembered Richard Grayson.  
Frowning, Jason took off his school bag and fished out his newspaper. Settling back down he didn't read the article this time, he just stared at the crying boy just a little older than himself. Traumatised.  
Nodding briskly as he remembered the new word, Jason pursed his lips at the tears so prominent even the camera caught them. Yeah, traumatised summed it up pretty well.

'Eat up Kiddo!'  
Without looking up from his reading, Jason caught yet another hamburger that was thrown at him with an appreciative grunt. Taking a bite out of his own meal, Willis frowned at his son, annoyed that he had dared to ignore him.  
'Jace?'  
'Hmm?' Jason replied distractedly, taking a small bite out of the burger but not looking up from the damn newspaper. Growling slightly, Willis bent down and snatched the offending paper out of his son's hands who gasped and flinched back.  
''m sorry Da!' Jason squeaked, wide eyes looking up at his father fearfully.  
'The Grayson kid? You shouldn't be reading this! How did you get it? Did you steal it?'   
Jason shouted in shock, when Willis hauled him up by his jacket and shook him roughly.  
'Did you steal it Jason? Answer me!'  
'No!' Jason yelled back, swallowing against the tears threatening to form he struggled against his father's grip. 'I di'n't steal nuttin. I gots it with my money. The Boss said it was my money?'  
'Your money? That what you used to get those tulips I told you not to buy?' Willis spat, shaking his son again, who nodded and looked away shamefully.  
'Ya, I-I just wanna see Mamá smile. I'm sorry Da.' Jason rambled, suddenly realising that the motorbike ride might have been a sweetener before the mother of all beatings. 'I'm sorry Da. Please, please don't beat on me? M-Mrs Benson's already askin'. Please? I'm sorry.'  
Willis stilled and blinked owlishly at his son, who had begun to sob quietly to himself. Guilt began to pool in his stomach and he dropped the boy as if he were suddenly scolding hot.

'Just-why Jason? Why read upsetting stuff? Like about that circus kid? He got fuck all to do wit' ya?'  
Chewing on his bottom lip, Jason looked from the crumpled newspaper to his father, tears plopping down onto his cheeks.  
'Please don't be mad, Da'  
'Tell me Jace.'  
'You knew his mom and dad were gonna die. Didn't you Da?' Jason mumbled, tilting his chin to look at Willis with a cold stare. 'You wouldn't take me to see the circus because you said stuff was goin' down. You meant Richard's mom and dad gettin' iced.'  
Sighing, Willis ran a hand down his face before sitting down next to his son wearily. Trying hard to find the words to explain something he barely understood himself.  
'Yeah. I did.'  
Those three words hurt Jason more than any beating. His chin wobbled and he turned away, hands fisting by his sides.  
'And you did nothing? You knew they were gonna die and you did nothing? That's wrong.'   
Shaking his head, Jason rubbed at his eyes and dragged a shaky breath through his teeth.  
'Are- are we bad people Da?' He whispered fearfully.

Willis sighed and reached out to wrap an arm around his son, dragging him against his chest, whether the boy wanted a hug off him or not.  
'Sometimes, sometimes good people gotta do bad things, Jason.'  
Sniffing, Jason lifted his head and frowned at his father in confusion.  
'Good people can do bad things?'  
'Yeah, when they ain't got no choice Jason. Look at that picture of the Grayson kid. Where was Batman last night huh? Look Son, sometimes bad things happen and there's jack shit anyone can do about it. Yeah I knew the Grayson's were being targeted but what could I have done? Talked to the cops? Batman? No. I can't risk you and your mom. Yes, Jason I do bad things but I do it for us, for this family ain't that good?' Willis tried to explain, but the blank look Jason was giving him, it was quite apparent that the 7 year old had no comprehension of what he was being told. Why would he? 

Squeezing his son gently, Willis pulled away and foraged underneath the seat of his bike.  
'Here. It's your Christmas present but I can get summit else.' Handing over a plastic bag Willis smiled and ruffled his son's hair. 'You always gots me and your ma okay? Maybe it's time we read summit more age appropriate than the newspaper yeah?'  
Cautiously, Jason took hold of the bag, not daring to even breathe he slipped his hand inside and just stared.   
It was a book.   
There was a picture of two children sat on the back of a lion and a lamppost.   
'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.' Jason read in a hushed whisper, before staring up at his dad in disbelief. 'A book? I gots my very own book! Da, thank you I-I'   
He couldn't finish what he was going to say, clutching the book to his chest he sobbed, unable to hold off the tears. 'My own book!'  
Willis blinked in surprise at his son's reaction, before smiling and sitting down to hug his son again.  
'Hey, no crying. Crying's for girls Jason what do I tell ya? Come on, man up!' He half heartedly scolded, rubbing Jason's arm soothingly. 'It's just a dumb book, Son.'  
'I l-love you Da.'  
'You too, Jason. I love you all the way to the stars.'

Willis spent he rest of the evening sat with his son by the docks, chatting about sweet nothings. Catherine's fix burnt a hole in his jacket pocket but the way Jason smiled at him as he read from his new book, he thought that his wife could wait a few more minutes to get high. He rarely saw Jason smile like this, to just be the child he was supposed to be and that hurt.   
He wanted to be a good dad, he truly did he just, didn't know how?  
Eventually the boy nodded off against his shoulder and Willis' chest ached as he studied his sleeping son's face. Thick eyelashes resting peacefully on cheeks that should be a lot more chubby than they were, freckles dusting his nose like snow flakes. It would be getting cold soon and snow was actually highly likely this time of year.  
Lifting Jason gently into his arms, Willis reached down for his son's school bag, knocking the flap off the top of the rucksack as he did so. He froze.  
There staring back at him like a slap on the face was a pair of cardboard wings and the missing tshirt he'd been looking for. An angel costume. The school play.

Settling his sleeping son between his legs on the bike, Willis opened Jason's bag and foraged around inside. Pulling out a crumpled up school letter Willis read it, each word digging away at his chest like a knife. Jason's school play was tomorrow night and he hadn't told anyone. The tickets were there attached to the letter.  
His eyes fell to the cardboard wings Jason had clearly made himself, judging by the silver paint that covered them haphazardly.   
'Oh Jace. Have I fucked up that badly?' He asked to no one but Gotham's smog.   
He knew the answer. Yes one hundred times over.  
Willis wasn't an idiot, he knew he did nothing but fail his son time and time again but, maybe this once? He could do something right.  
He rode home slowly and carefully so as not to wake Jason up. 

Lifting him up into his arms again, Willis quickly took him up to their apartment and laid him down in bed with a soft kiss to his forehead.   
'Willis? Is Jason okay? Did you get it?'  
Sighing, Willis straightened up and walked Catherine out of Jason's room before handing over the bag of heroin in his pocket.   
'Cat? I need your help.'  
Catherine paused and looked up at her husband anxiously. Willis swallowed down a wave of frustration and grabbed hold of Catherine's hands forcing her to look at him.  
'It's Jason. He's in a nativity tomorrow Cat. You like all that God stuff, right?'  
Catherine nodded slowly, eyes searching her husband's to try and work out what he was trying to say.  
'Si?' She replied, watching as Willis moved away before returning with her son's school bag and bringing out a set of cardboard wings.  
'Instead of us just getting high and passing out. Why don't ya take just a little bit Cat?' Willis suggested with a half smile. 'Jason is the Angel Gabriel in his play.'  
Catherine was silent for a moment, staring at the wings with wide eyes before shaking her head.  
'Jason is the Angel Gabriel? No, no these will not do. No! Willis, he can not wear these! No. Go, go to my half of the closet and fetch my art supplies! ¡Rápido! ¡Rápido! Must I do everything Willis?'

 

Jason managed to succeed in sneaking out. His dad was with his mom in the bedroom doing god knows what and neither of them questioned where he was going when he grabbed his school bag and shouted that he was going out.  
Mrs Benson smiled when he walked into his classroom on time and asked whether his parents were coming to watch.  
Hauling the white tshirt over his head, Jason shrugged and forced a smile.  
'Nah, my da's had to work and m'mom's sick.'  
His teacher's expression saddened and she nodded before helping Jason with his wings.  
'Oh that is a shame. Have you been decorating? They look fantastic.'  
Jason frowned wondering what she was talking about, before catching a glimpse of himself in the little mirror Mrs Benson had set up on her desk.  
His wings, instead of just being silver, now had feathers drawn on them in gold pen and glitter glistened along the edges. Jason stared in bewilderment, he had no idea what on earth had happened to them.  
'Erm, yeah Miss.' Jason mumbled, staring at his reflection he barely registered Mrs Benson's reply before she walked off to see to the other children. His wings were beautiful, as if a fairy had magicked them out of thin air just for him.  
He didn't have much time left to think it over, as Mrs Benson called out that it was 'show time.'

Gasping, Jason grabbed his tinsel and shoved it on his head, kicking off his socks as an after thought whilst scurrying out of his class with the rest of his peers.  
'My mom and dad and all my grandparents are watching, unlike you Jason. No one wants to watch you!' Abigail, the snottiest Mary to have ever existed shoved past him and Jason stuck his tongue out at her. Pure and good were last words he'd use to describe her.  
Stumbling up onto the stage erected in the school hall, Jason took up his place in the choir just as the show began.   
The entire performance, Jason scanned the audience, amazed that so many people had shown up. It was actually quite scary in a way and butterflies fluttered in his belly when he thought about his upcoming song. He had just told Mary she was up the duff, when the hall doors opened. Glancing towards the movement, Jason's eyes widened in shock and he almost fell off the stage.  
His dad had just walked through looking as proud as punch and by some miracle his mamá was by by his side, smiling in the most beautiful dress he'd even seen. Catherine was still clearly anxious as she clutched onto her husband's arm for dear life but she had made it, she had come to see Jason in his play and Jason couldn't process it. He just watched as his parents sat down near the back, his dad pointing him out to his mom, whose face lit up when she saw him in his costume.  
Jason swallowed dryly and stepped back into his place in the choir. His heart thumping in his chest at the prospect of his parents being here.   
That he'd been found out.   
Of course, now the mystery angel wings made sense. His mamá had made them for him.

The rest of the show past in a daze of holy crap on a cracker he was going to have to sing his song in front of his folks. He hadn't prepared for this. This wasn't part of the plan.  
'Jason! Come on. Don't be shy!' Mrs Benson stage whispered from the side and Jason felt his blood drain from his face. It was time. He had to sing his song.  
Taking the baby doll into his arms, Jason stood slowly, taking shaky steps to centre stage. The introduction playing on the piano sounded like a funeral song to Jason's ears; before he sucked it up and started singing. He just had to play his part and not mess up.  
'Silent night, Holy night, all is calm, all is quiet.' He sang softly, rocking the baby in his arms with a small smile. He carried on singing, taking his most graceful steps towards Mary, Jason dared a glance at the audience.  
All the adults were all giving him that gooey smile he didn't understand. Lifting his eyes, he spotted his da grinning at him proudly, while his mamá wept silently with the hugest smile that he had ever seen.

His heart swelled and Jason sang louder. His chest ached and it took a moment for him to realise that he felt loved.  
At the end of the day, he had his family. It was broken and there were more tears than smiles most days, but they were a family and that's all that mattered.  
Placing the baby down into the manger, Jason stood up to a round of applause. Smiling, he took a step forwards and bowed, noticing his parents stood on their chairs cheering.  
Silently, Jason promised himself that he was never, ever going to forget this moment.


	4. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just over a decade later, Jason is sat on a bench.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Merry Christmas!

Gotham's winter was just as icy and bitter as every other one Jason could remember. Pointlessly rubbing his gloved hands together, Jason ducked his chin into his leather jacket for warmth, eyes glued to the small choir of children singing Christmas carols in matching red jumpers.  
Christmas shopping had just got a bit too much. Christmas itself was just too much.   
Too many people, too many lights and sounds.   
Anxiety had begun to tighten in his chest, so Jason had slipped away from his raucous family to try and gain some grounding. The children had caught his attention, or more accurately the silver tinsel sat on their heads. He didn't really know why.  
'Silent night, Holy night'   
A little boy at the front started singing and Jason's eyes snapped up to him. 

'There you are! B is going bananas looking for you Little Wing.'  
Dick appeared next him on the bench, smiling in his usual cheery way, although Jason didn't miss the concern underneath.  
'Too many people.' Jason mumbled, turning away to watch the children again. 'and stuff.'  
A ceramic stocking was placed in his hands and Jason frowned at the warmth permeating through his gloves until realising that the stocking was a mug of hot cocoa.  
'That's what I told B.' Dick replied softly, reaching out to squeeze his little brother's knee in reassurance.   
'What're you doing?'  
The lyrics to the song caught Jason's attention again and he frowned over at the children singing Silent Night.  
'I like this song.' Jason stated simply, moving his leg to shove Dick off, he took a sip of chocolate. The stocking mug caught his eye, on the side was a very raggedy looking angel with a big smile.  
'Really? Bit wishy washy for you isn't it?' Dick half-heartedly teased, cocking his head at the singing children in interest. 

Jason shrugged a mouth and tore his eyes away from the mug to look at the little boy singing his heart out. His parents were near by, Jason could see how he looked over at a couple who beamed and waved at him proudly.  
'I s'pose I like it because, because-'  
'Because what?'   
Dick's voice seemed to have been buried under the snow that was falling around them. Frowning, Jason's eyes flitted from the angel on his mug to the little boy, Silent Night echoing in his ears. It wasn't the boy's voice though, it was someone else's.  
Someone he should know.  
Closing his eyes tightly, he tried to remember, forced himself through the blank void in his mind to find a meaning. All he got was the flash of white as the crowbar struck him and physical pain rocketed through his head.  
With a trembling hand he reached out to rub the back of his head with a pained groan.  
'Little Wing! Little Wing open your eyes!'   
Dick's voice rose above the snow again, loud and pronounced and Jason, for once, did as he was told.  
His brother loomed into view, brow knotted in worry, hands were on his, squeezing gently.  
'It's okay Little Wing.'

Shaking his head, Jason looked up at Dick and his chest ached, love. Yes, that's what that was, he felt loved right now.  
The soft tune of the famous lullaby drifted over the brothers and Jason lifted his chin slightly so he could see Dick more clearly.  
'Love.'  
'What?'   
Swallowing, Jason closed his eyes and listened to the last few lines of the song quietly for a moment before looking at his brother again.  
'I don't remember why I like the song.'  
'Hush, Jay it's okay. You got me yeah? I got you.'  
'No!' Cutting Dick off sharply, Jason looked down at his mug and smiled slightly. 'I don't remember Dickie. But I do remember angels, Silent Night and love.'

Dick nodded and was oddly silent for a while, lifting his head he gazed at stars, his hand still clutched tightly around his little brother's.  
'When- when you- you-'  
'Died?' Jason offered matter of factly, pretending he didn't see how Dick flinched as his carefree air around the subject.  
'Yeah, that.' Clearing his throat, Dick's gaze remained on the stars, almost as if looking at Jason would break him. 'Do- do you think it might be heaven? My Dai liked Silent Night.'  
Jason froze for a moment before laughing softly and joining his brother with his stargazing, his head leaning against Dick's.  
'Maybe?' Without needing to look, Jason lifted his hand and wiped away the tears on Dick's cheeks. 'Maybe our mom's sing it together? It's Catherine and Mary though, they probably spend most of their time yelling at us. Like Tim does at the TV when people are being stupid.'  
Smiling, Dick sniffed and reached up to wipe Jason's tears away in turn, sighing in a melancholy fashion.  
'Heh, John and Willis just rolling their eyes, because it's not like we can hear their nagging.'  
Snorting, Jason nodded and smiled down at his brother.  
'Yeah. Maybe.'  
'Nais.' Dick mumbled his thanks quietly in his mother language and Jason smiled, reaching to wipe away more tears.  
'De nada, Dickie.' Jason replied in his own, understanding how much his brother appreciates being understood.

It was another hour before Jason Todd and Richard Grayson were found by a very flustered Bruce.   
Still sat on the bench, looking up at the stars, singing Silent Night.  
Jason never did find out why he liked the song so much


End file.
